Dowry- nowadays has become a compulsion for a marriage. But shouldn't the only compulsion for marriage should be the happiness of the couple. Anyways, this dowry system has created really serious issues in our society. Parents of a girl become worried about  their  daughter's marriage from the day of her birth. Mother starts collecting the household things and father become worried about all the expenses. This really creates an awkward situation for the girl too. Many girls become depressed because of a fact that their personal attributes are not counted to qualify for a marriage but what counts is the number of trucks of dowry they are taking with them.  

Mostly it is said that girls are greedy and they will prefer a rich man over any other person so what would you say about a boy whose family demands every little thing of the house from the girl’s parents and the boy doesn’t even make a stand. He is just happy because he is getting a whole package, a bride and the new furniture of his house. This is happening from a long time but now when people are aware of the moral values and worth of human being, this needs to stop. This thing can’t be justified that a man , who can earn, will allow someone else to pay for his house. Isn’t it against the ego and self reputation of a man ?

Every year thousands of girls commit suicide, or are murdered for not giving their husbands their favorite car or not fulfilling the void in their mother’s in law heart. Many girls are tortured every day, girls whom parents are not well off have to make a compromise for like for the rest of their lives. A girl dream about her marriage as it is the only escape from all the problems of her life but when electrical appliances are given more importance, her dreams are shattered. And not her in-laws even her parents tend to care more about the things they have been collecting for her, than her.

It is really stressful for a girl to see that how her parents spend their life time savings on her dowry so that her in-laws can’t complain. Women should know the worth of their existence. What’s good in speaking and protesting when the whole matter is switched to nothing ? All girls should speak against the dowry and fight for their rights.  

Young boys are also expected to be vigilant when it comes to these customs. They should also exert all their efforts to fight against evil. If they would allow happily the dowry of their bride, their daughters and sister would also suffer the same. No man can allow such burden when he is capable of gaining all accessories and necessaries.⁠⁠⁠⁠

These days, the avarice of dowry has struck to most ordinary families and has turned into an implicit interest for marriages. Beyond any doubt a man may require monetary support to settle serenely in his life and to satisfy different necessities, yet it ought not be motivation to ask for dowry and to ruin the life of a woman if both the lady and man are proficient in all the approaches to gain and settle with an agreeable life.

Boys think of it as a way to live a comfortable life. The higher the degree of the man, the more the demand for dowry is. So boys, did you really studied this much just to sit & make of most of your wife's parents' money? On the other hand, Girls think of it as a competition. The one with more to showoff wins.

The most ideal approach to wipe out this custom is to make individuals comprehend that marriage is not a business transaction that you make an offer and if it does not meet your needs then there is no marriage. Neither it’s a competition where the one with the most things to showoff will win. 

We need to instill in their minds that a marriage, which must be about adoration and comprehension is, fairly, weighed down with realism and monetary sums recorded on contracts. As a general public, we should rethink the demeaning thought of dowry. Likewise, the government must take radical steps to force confinements on the settlement and must attempt their best to entirely drive these purposes of detainment; else such incidents will continue happening. Consider it, join our hands and say no to dowry.

The system of dowry is practiced by greed, social status, illiteracy and lack of willingness to adhere to laws causing effects such as initiating gender imbalance, decrementing status of women, promoting domestic violence and crime, deteriorating financial status of bride's family and loss of self -esteem among women.

Dowry system has become one of the greatest social evils these days and hundreds of innocent lives have been lost. Even the educated parents expect their daughter-in- law to bring money and gifts from her family. They use dowry system as a short-cut to amass wealth. Torturing someone else’s daughter, they never think of their own daughter.

Thus dowry is virus in marriage and Mahr is an anti-virus so install a powerful anti-virus and do not allow the virus to enter and destroy your life.

The glorious Quran commands men to give the required Mahr in Surah Nisa (4) :

"And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if  they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you take it and enjoy it with right good cheer."

We as a nation have not taken the dowry in its true sense in this exploitative society. The stereotypical thinking of our society cannot be changed as it has adopted the name from the religion but the practice of demanding dowry is as per their requirement. We have always been hearing that dowry is a curse but in reality we have misinterpreted the concept.
It has become a binding duty of the bride to bring with her a collection of all sorts of appliances, furniture and other household items as usually only then does the groom's family welcome and show regard to the bride.

Human rights Commission of Pakistan (HRCP) has reported many incidents that are labeled 'dowry death', that is the bride has been murdered because she did not bring a sufficient dowry with her. It has been found that in remote and rural areas this problem is deep-rooted and many women have been murdered violently because of this. This problem exists does not only in Pakistan but in India and other countries of South Asia also, in fact in India it is reported to be much worse than here.

In Islam the idea of dowry was to set the precedent to give gifts to the daughter when she gets married and leaves the house. These are the gifts which parents could easily give on their own will without being forced by anyone. But now the groom's family often demand a large dowry and don't get embarrassed that they are openly showing their material motives. Newly wed girls have been burned in fire by stove blasts or gas leaks and a number of women have also been burnt by sprinkling kerosene oil on them and then setting them alight on this dowry issue.

Now the government and the HRCP has been trying to create awareness about this menace of dowries and also implementing arranging mass weddings for poor people at the expense of the government or the NGO so that grooms will have no complaint about the dowry. This year about a thousand couples have been married in the NWFP and Punjab.

We all have to be united to fight against this social evil. Lets start from our own house.. Will you stand against Dowry when it comes on you? Think!!

Dowry Disease, Our Ornament these Days!

Seeking information about the Social Transactions, usually misinterpreted as "Wedding" in our society, left me completely numb.. I wonder why the acid attacks, bride burning, stove bursting  and domestic violence followed by perplexing suicidal deaths only occur with women coming along with insufficient dowry.

Marriage has become an occasion for insane displays on spending  outrageously lavish valimas, mehndi banquets, jewellery, give aways, dowry and similar acts. What is interesting and downright appalling is that all classes of society are guilty of this madness.

We as a society fail to understand that relations built on money are even fragile like money.

The money spent on dowry can be better consumed in business, education, health and over-

all well being of family.

We live in a state where 80% of the 20 million (approx.) lives are living down the line of poverty. Yet we are proud to give away 7500% of monthly income as the tax to the groom for accepting our daughter! The fact remains there, more dowry better life partner! People have a perception of the later discussed thought, However, who is going to guarantee the safe, contented and successful marriage of your daughter? Still the parents out of the fear sacrifice their whole life savings at a risk. The other who does not afford even that has to see their young daughters working to collect more money and eventually turning grey haired women. Our society where the "Saasu Maa" wants a 16 years old Doctor for her son , we better describe as "Sola saal ki khoobsurat, gori chitti, dekhne me Katrina, kaam karne me Masi Sakeena, Doctor Bahu, jo Gol Rotian banana  bhi janti ho, aur kaam karne ghar se bilkul na nikle" type girl, who will consider those chubby grey haired women in their late thirtees?

40 lac silver haired women in Pakistan? Every fourth

home finds more than 2 women yet to marry.

This late marriage problem leads to a variety of social problems in young Adults. Since we have to sustain in a Male dominant Society, so if a man marries a girl and leaves her because of lesser dowry, he is accountable to no one. He will marry as many times as we wills, but the woman has to die single, out of the stigma the she is a "Divorcee". She can not marry again, have family and has no rights to continue her normal life, as her former husband. No one is responsible for the trauma, mental illness, negativity, depression and emotional disorders she has to go through all alone.Thus, parents are encouraged for an easy solution ( a whole campaign runs in UP, India) to get rid of the baby girls' fetus and pay 500 for her abortion  rather than 5 Lacs later! This is how we respect our women.

The *Smart* Solution presented by South Asian Society

Incidents of degrading treatment and blackmailing of the bride are prevalent, which usually result in recognized psychiatric illnesses and ultimately suicides. In extreme cases wherein the husband or in-laws are not content with the dowry, they may even go to the extent of killing the bride and the most savage form of such kind of dowry abuse is “bride burning”. Last year the city of Daska witnessed heartrending and unprovoked murder of a 25-year-old woman caused by ruthless act of forced acid consumption. As per police reports, her in-laws forced her to swallow acid solely due to the reason that she failed to arrange a sizeable amount of dowry in her marriage. This act of unmitigated evil has highlighted an attention deserving social dilemma, which like an epidemic has infected major chunk of population in Pakistan.

Will she be able to stare herself in the mirror ever again? Can she forget the curves of her true face..

Who is responsible for the gross feeling you get after looking at her?

What a co-incidence? Every time stove explosion eats up a bride.

Never a mother-in- law.

Amongst dowry-related violence, bride burnings, also known as "stove deaths" are widely reported. In 1988 a survey showed that 800 women were killed in this manner, in 1989 the number rose to 1100, and in 1990 it stood at 1800 estimated killings. According to the Progressive Women's Association, such attacks are a growing problem and, in 1994 on International Women's Day, announced that various NGOs would join to raise awareness of the issue.  Newspapers in Lahore in a six-month period (1997) reported on average 15 attacks a month. Women's e-News reported that 4,000 women had been attacked in this manner in Islamabad's surroundings over an eight-year period, and that the average age range of victims was between 18 and 35, with an estimated 30 percent being pregnant at the time of death. The Human Rights Commission of Pakistan reported that about four women are killed in this manner every day, by either family members or husbands. This Condition will prevail till the end of time, unless the so called men, actually act like one.

Dowry is actually shameful, both for the presenter and reciever

Shahnaz Bukhari, who runs the Progressive Women's Association in Islamabad, has said of such attacks: "Either Pakistan is home to possessed stoves which burn only young housewives, and are particularly fond of genitalia, or looking at the frequency with which these incidences occur there is a grim pattern that these women are victims of deliberate murder."

Our women are not priceless are men are not born shameless, its the society they adopt. But in the end we are the one who build the society. Lets stepup and break the stigma of presenting and accepting extravagant valuables in the name of Dowry. Every person can create a difference by Saying "NO" to the one who is asking for and to the one presenting it!

Hawwa ki beti kab tak aakhir, Jahez ki khatir zulm sahe gi ?

Instead of loving people and using money, people often use people and love money. That certainly is the case for dowry-based marriages. They say that the lack of money is the root of all evil, but here we see that the rich are the most pompous and cruel of all. Indeed, greed is the true evil that seeps in our society like sand. Nowadays, marriage proposals are like auctions - may the highest bidder / dowry-giver win! But who cares about the woman, right? Beauty, education, intelligence, courtesy and etiquette don't shine like diamonds to men. Here's what the guys plan: 

Step One : Obtain Lots of Dowry

No man wants a wife who comes into the home empty-handed. Ask your dad to lighten his pockets, considerably. Don't just stop at a 72" inch LED T.V. How will your husband go to work where he will ignore you for hours? A sparkling new car or two will only enhance your position in your new home. Or so you think. 

So drain your parents of all their hard-earned money. You've left anyway, who else are they going to spend it on? Themselves?! What a thought.

~Join hands to SAY NO TO DOWRY and share our page as much as you can !...

nomoredowry.blogspot.com